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Showing posts from 2019

I QUIT MY JOB.

Hi guys, I'm not going to give a silly apology for being away for so long or promise to write more often. I'm currently going through it, I simply don't know how to live my life anymore and I am sick of everything. My job is driving me insane and I feel like I'm getting sucked into a dark hole and I'm finding it hard to crawl out.  I handed in my notice two weeks ago so I have two weeks and a few days left at work and hello joblessness.  For some weird reason, I put the day of my twenty-sixth birthday as my last day, I don't know why I did this maybe as some new age new me bullshit but I guess I'll find out as time comes. I'm very unhappy right now, I feel like I'm not living but merely existing and I'm losing my head, not put me in a straitjacket type but not completely sane either. My plan for the next few weeks is to go to Lagos, see the boyfriend talk about our plans for our future, study for the FE1's which I've been putting

HOLIDAYS.

Hi guys, So I've been in Lagos for the last three weeks and it has been nothing but chaos, I was very excited for this holiday but everything seems to be going out of control and I scared of the consequences of my actions.  As usual, I have a lot of ideas about what to do in my head, I had plans to write a lot more since my stories are mostly written about Nigerian characters and the cities I've visited in the country. I wanted to update my cv in order to start looking for a new job when I get back to Dublin, I also wanted to learn how to use excel properly and also learn other tools that will make my job search easier and increase of getting a better job.

PRISONER.

I watched the inmates move slowly in a single file, dressed in ill-fitted clothes and cheap flip flops, they move in sync. It's been a long day with ten inmates on our list for the day. This is my favourite thing about being a guard, the court trips with inmates, watching the lawyers presenting their case with passion and eloquence.  My father wanted me to be a lawyer but his cancer robbed me of this, the family income was diverted to trying to cure the disease which later claimed his life.  I spent five years working odd jobs for survival before my uncle got me a job in Ikoyi prison, at first I was sceptical about it, being around all sorts of criminals made my skin crawl but the pay was triple the amount I earned as a waitress so I jumped at it. How bad can it be?

THE BURDEN CALLED ASO EBI.

Hi Guys,  So I'm a bit pissed off about missing a wedding, well not because I missed the party since I've been very anti-social for the last couple of weeks. I'm pissed off I paid a hundred euros for the Aso Ebi, got it made in Nigeria and sent to London.  I missed the wedding because my Visa did not arrive on time, so now I'm stuck with another Aso Ebi I will never wear.  For those who do not know  Aso Ebi is a uniform dress that is traditionally worn in Nigeria and some West African cultures as an indicator of cooperation and solidarity during ceremonies and festive periods. So when Nigerians home and abroad have parties a fabric is picked for friends and family or people attending a party, usually is not compulsory to buy but some people take it to heart and hold malice against you for not buying. They see you as not supporting them and others see you as broke.   Since October I've spent approximately four hundred euros buying and sewing Aso Ebi, I

MY MOOD RIGHT NOW

I think I'm slowly falling into depression, but then I don't want to call it depression if I'm having a few rough nights. It will be a slap in the face to those who suffer from it. But how do I explain sleepless nights, terrible mood swings and constantly over thinking and feeling like I'm failing in life. The constant need to quit my job even though i can't afford to go without a job. It's easy when you see it in movies where a person just give a huge fuck off to their job , walk away without looking back. I didn't really think of the effect the job is having on me , sitting all day, staring at a computer screen with not enough shit to keep my brain active. But hey the things we do for survival, I get angry at myself and blame myself a lot for not working harder at a younger age and taking necessary steps to secure the so called bag. Now I'm stuck at a job I dislike and I'm still not over the rejection from the last time I applied for jobs I'm

ESCAPE

"God will punish you', I shouted as I tried to chase the man who robbed me" "E no go better for you ', I am fighting a battle I know I’m not going to win, but I hate being cheated, I settled on the train tracks to catch my breath, a few minutes before the train passes. A small crowd  gathered the nosy bastards who have nothing better to do on a Monday morning, I look up from after a few minutes, I have no choice, a pair of over-bleached feet appeared beside me. The sight of someone's skin bearing a striking resemblance to over roasted plantain nearly made me regurgitate the contents of my stomach. "How far now? she asked putting her hands on my waist.

CONVERSATION WITH AN ABSTAINING CHRISTIAN.

I had a very interesting conversation with a young man who is a student in one of the top universities in Nigeria, a  devout Christian who lives his life for Christ. A virgin at the age of twenty one who believes others should follow his steps and stay away from premarital sex.  A few weeks ago I noticed a tweet about abstinence so I clicked the profile and noticed I was following and he also followed, however, his tweets didn't stand out to me until I saw the one about all people do on twitter is talking about sex which is not entirely true but I got his point.  His Bio Conservative Christain stood out and I knew the reason why he was tweeting about abstinence.

MUSINGS OF A CONFUSED SOUL : ENTRY 1

I expect you guys to be tired of my random rants on how my life is going and my struggles.  If you are not, here is another one. I spend a lot of time daydreaming, which leads to asking a lot of questions on things I would have done differently and the things I would change if I could turn back the hands of time.

WHAT IT TAKES : 2

                                                             2. "Your assignment is due next Monday, do not forget to submit on the portal before midnight,"  said professor Greene before walking out of the lecture hall. Lola waited for her equity lecturer to leave before she took down the bullet points from the whiteboard, nothing distracts her during class, listen and take notes later has always been her motto. Her coursemates know not to disturb her during lectures, it took her ignoring five people before they got they understood. The lecture hall is almost empty when she is ready to leave.  It's ten past five and her appointment in Swords for is eight. In order to save time, she wore her red 24" wig to college, hidden under a scarf. She layed the edges with Got2b glue the night before. It took thirty minutes to brush, comb, lay and blow-dry the frontal before tying a silk scarf. Her client tonight is one of the special ones who have a thing for black women

WHAT IT TAKES : 1

                                                                 1. Lola walks down Grafton street with a smile, it's a chilly autumn evening. Her luscious curls bounced with every step she took, her faux fur coat keeping her warm and fabulous at the same time. Her leather skirt showed her figure, she has a medium-sized apple shaped bottom she maintains by squatting a hundred times a day. The skirt stopping a few inches above the knees allows her to show off her legs, standing at 5'5 with the body of an athlete, her friends always regarded her as lucky for being thick yet toned. Mustard is a great colour for this time of the year, something to brighten the dull wet days. She takes a look at her self through the glass door of a store, before turning into Balfe street. The Philip Lynott statue is free of giddy tourist today, she paused to look at it a for a few seconds before walking past. Stopping to look at the statue and picturing herself as a rock star is something

UPDATE!!!

Hi guys, This is going to be a short one. Does this happen to everyone or I'm just a weirdo? So for the last few months, I've been imagining things going south with my man, different scenarios pop up in my head and that eventually leads to us breaking up. We've had issues in the past and I'm trying to forget and put it all behind me, but I find myself imagining all these weird scenarios, I don't know if a part of me really wants him to fuck up so bad or I just haven't forgiven him fully, this is someone I have plans to spend the rest of my life.  My mind is riddled with so much doubt that I'm scared of what I am going to end up doing, he is my everything. I know you have to be careful what you wish for. We currently live on different continents which put enough strain on the relationship, not seeing each other or getting freaky. I've used up most of my work holidays so I don't know the next I'll get to see him I'm tired and sick o

WHAT IF ?

What if I'm one of those women who will never get married? What if I'm of those women who will never get married? What if I'm one of those women who will spend years trying to have a child? But the society I was born into shames you if you for any of the above. Sometimes I wonder if  would end up becoming that successful aunt or friend who everyone loves yet feels sorry for because  I have no man or no children.  No one has ever died from not been married but thousands of people have been killed by their spouse all over the world.  No one has ever died from been childless, but hundreds of children are killed by a parent and hundreds of parent(s) are killed by their child(ren). Thousands of children have been abandoned and forced to have a terrible life which in most cases leads to their children having a terrible life. I have so many weird questions in my head, the older I get the more I get scared about one of these becoming my reality. Been born in Nigeri