I expect you guys to be tired of my random rants on how my life is going and my struggles.
If you are not, here is another one.
I spend a lot of time daydreaming, which leads to asking a lot of questions on things I would have done differently and the things I would change if I could turn back the hands of time.
I was having a conversation with two people at work and age came up, they both mentioned being twenty-nine and something about that sent chill down my spine. When I was younger I was full of hopes and dreams, wanting to be a doctor and save lives. Sometimes I wonder if it's something I'll end up doing if the opportunity presents its self.
I loved reading and writing from a very young age and I wrote a short novel at fourteen but I ended up losing it when we had issues with the computer. I wanted to publish my book before the age of twenty-one. I am now twenty-five and I can easily say I have not achieved anything and this brings nothing but sadness to my heart. Although I have my life together everything seems to be falling apart and my life is nothing but organised chaos.
I spent a lot of time in uni but I am currently not using my degree, yes I can easily apply for more jobs but to be honest I can't be arsed.
How much rejection can one handle?
I am currently working for survival because every adult needs a job or you are going to starve to death.
Do I like my job? No.
Do I hate my job? No
It's something that keeps me going and pays the bills and for that I am grateful but I see myself quitting soon which is funny because I was very excited when I got it.
I am unhappy about a lot of things, my lack of growth, my body, my relationship and my ability to make certain decisions.
I've come to the realisation that I am not a risk taker or an innovative person, yes I love to write but then I do not have enough to show for it cos I do a lot my writing in my head.
I would rather spend hours daydreaming about the life I want to live in my head than face the sad life which is my reality.
One thing I am grateful for is my faith and how much I have gotten closer to God in the last year. I am not a poster girl for Muslims around the world but I do try my best to complete salat every day even though some days are a real struggle and I love the way I get answers to my prayers.
I am also grateful for not being an envious person, we live in a world where everyone or most people want to show off how perfect their life is, jobs, relationship etc. And people feed off the validation of others. I look at pictures and think that is nice or that is really lovely but I have never wished something owned by another person was mine. This might not be a lot to you guys but to me it is.
Ramadan starts tomorrow and I am very excited to start thajud (vigil/midnight prayers )with the ladies for the next thirty days. It is going to be struggle doing that and waking up for work at five amen but this is the task I'm up for.
XXXX
L.D
If you are not, here is another one.
I spend a lot of time daydreaming, which leads to asking a lot of questions on things I would have done differently and the things I would change if I could turn back the hands of time.
I was having a conversation with two people at work and age came up, they both mentioned being twenty-nine and something about that sent chill down my spine. When I was younger I was full of hopes and dreams, wanting to be a doctor and save lives. Sometimes I wonder if it's something I'll end up doing if the opportunity presents its self.
I loved reading and writing from a very young age and I wrote a short novel at fourteen but I ended up losing it when we had issues with the computer. I wanted to publish my book before the age of twenty-one. I am now twenty-five and I can easily say I have not achieved anything and this brings nothing but sadness to my heart. Although I have my life together everything seems to be falling apart and my life is nothing but organised chaos.
I spent a lot of time in uni but I am currently not using my degree, yes I can easily apply for more jobs but to be honest I can't be arsed.
How much rejection can one handle?
I am currently working for survival because every adult needs a job or you are going to starve to death.
Do I like my job? No.
Do I hate my job? No
It's something that keeps me going and pays the bills and for that I am grateful but I see myself quitting soon which is funny because I was very excited when I got it.
I am unhappy about a lot of things, my lack of growth, my body, my relationship and my ability to make certain decisions.
I've come to the realisation that I am not a risk taker or an innovative person, yes I love to write but then I do not have enough to show for it cos I do a lot my writing in my head.
I would rather spend hours daydreaming about the life I want to live in my head than face the sad life which is my reality.
One thing I am grateful for is my faith and how much I have gotten closer to God in the last year. I am not a poster girl for Muslims around the world but I do try my best to complete salat every day even though some days are a real struggle and I love the way I get answers to my prayers.
I am also grateful for not being an envious person, we live in a world where everyone or most people want to show off how perfect their life is, jobs, relationship etc. And people feed off the validation of others. I look at pictures and think that is nice or that is really lovely but I have never wished something owned by another person was mine. This might not be a lot to you guys but to me it is.
Ramadan starts tomorrow and I am very excited to start thajud (vigil/midnight prayers )with the ladies for the next thirty days. It is going to be struggle doing that and waking up for work at five amen but this is the task I'm up for.
XXXX
L.D
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