Literal Diva

Hi guys, This is going to be a short one. Does this happen to everyone or I'm just a weirdo? So for the last few months, I've been imagining things going south with my man, different scenarios pop up in my head and that eventually leads to us breaking up. We've had issues in the past and I'm trying to forget and put it all behind me, but I find myself imagining all these weird scenarios, I don't know if a part of me really wants him to fuck up so bad or I just haven't forgiven him fully, this is someone I have plans to spend the rest of my life.  My mind is riddled with so much doubt that I'm scared of what I am going to end up doing, he is my everything. I know you have to be careful what you wish for. We currently live on different continents which put enough strain on the relationship, not seeing each other or getting freaky. I've used up most of my work holidays so I don't know the next I'll get to see him I'm tired and sick o