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WHAT IF ?

What if I'm one of those women who will never get married?
What if I'm of those women who will never get married?
What if I'm one of those women who will spend years trying to have a child?

But the society I was born into shames you if you for any of the above. Sometimes I wonder if  would end up becoming that successful aunt or friend who everyone loves yet feels sorry for because  I have no man or no children. 

No one has ever died from not been married but thousands of people have been killed by their spouse all over the world. 
No one has ever died from been childless, but hundreds of children are killed by a parent and hundreds of parent(s) are killed by their child(ren). Thousands of children have been abandoned and forced to have a terrible life which in most cases leads to their children having a terrible life.

I have so many weird questions in my head, the older I get the more I get scared about one of these becoming my reality. Been born in Nigerian and growing up in a Nigerian household, means once you are done with your education the next thing to do is start a career, get married and have a family of your own. 
When I was younger I always said I didn't want children and that made perfect sense at the time, but I started having boyfriends. Each relationship more serious than the previous one, I've been in my current relationship almost three years and marriage is definitely on the table and the thoughts of being the mother to his children warm my heart and send chills down my spine. 

My biggest fear is been married and not been able to have children. What happens next? I have no problem adopting a childing or looking into surrogacy but will a typical Nigerian family accept that? 
I have an everything happens for a reason approach to life.  
Let's say I meet a man who does not want to have any children, I am perfectly okay to accept and build my life around that. Two people coming to an agreement on something is different to them wanting something and not been able to get it.   
I have no problem with adopting but will my spouse and his family accept that?


" Don't let anything you have no control over contol you"

What do you guys think of this? Please share your thoughts. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR! HOPE THIS NEW YEAR BRINGS US LOVE AND BLESSINGS.

XXXX
L.D 

Comments

  1. GazzaTuesday, July 23, 2019

    I respect your view of life, and i share your sentiment.

    Having an "everything happens for a reason" approach to life isn't a bad approach tbh, but we also need to understand that we have the power to change certain things, child bearing inclusive. That's my balance. And by this i mean my approach to the childlessness.

    Yeah, a typical Nigerian family would not accept adoption or having a baby by surrogacy.

    Personally, I don't think childlessness is proof of bad marriage. I love my partner, whether there are children involved or not. Don't get me wrong we all (maybe) want kids. But for me she comes first. This is my mindset.

    People go into marriage for different reasons, but to each its own.

    If i were you I'd table my fear with my partner, the idea is to see his reaction so you'll know if to continue with the relationship or not. Because truth is you need a partner who knows your fears and able to help you with them.

    I've understood that in marriage love isn't enough. Ideology, and knowledge are great keys.

    Marry someone who understands your FEAR!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. RuqkayahThursday, July 25, 2019

      Yes I understand we have a power to change certain thing. But what if some things are way beyond our control ?
      Yeah I share your views also and I'm of the opinion we have the same mindset. Maybe this is me worrying too much or this post is me airing my fears?
      I've told my boyfriend about my fears and he thinks I'm simply over reacting since we have no plans to have children soon.
      I just worry too much I guess.
      The last line is why I'm still with him, even though we have been through so much. He gets me and I have no problem discussing my fears with him.

      Delete
  2. GazzaSaturday, July 27, 2019

    Truely, there are things that are beyond our control. What i do is, i try my best not to think about them. Sometimes our fears are just our subconscious contemplations.

    And there is nothing wrong in airing your fears.

    It takes two to make it. If your man gets you and tells you not to worry too much about it, I guess he is not worried about it either, and for me, that's whose opinion you need.
    So, enjoy the present moment. You'll cross that bridge when you come to it.

    ReplyDelete

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