Skip to main content

MY MOOD RIGHT NOW

I think I'm slowly falling into depression, but then I don't want to call it depression if I'm having a few rough nights. It will be a slap in the face to those who suffer from it.
But how do I explain sleepless nights, terrible mood swings and constantly over thinking and feeling like I'm failing in life. The constant need to quit my job even though i can't afford to go without a job. It's easy when you see it in movies where a person just give a huge fuck off to their job , walk away without looking back. I didn't really think of the effect the job is having on me , sitting all day, staring at a computer screen with not enough shit to keep my brain active. But hey the things we do for survival, I get angry at myself and blame myself a lot for not working harder at a younger age and taking necessary steps to secure the so called bag. Now I'm stuck at a job I dislike and I'm still not over the rejection from the last time I applied for jobs I'm scared to apply for others because I dnt think I can't bare the rejection. So its earlier to sit In shallow water waiting to be reduced instead of finding my way deeper into the ocean where there is a huge risk but also a huge chance to be spotted. I feel I'm going to snap and have a huge breakdown soon, I dnt know if it will happen or how il handle it if/when it does but I'm not myself and I'm worried.

XXXX
L.D

Comments

  1. GazzaTuesday, July 23, 2019

    I guess this happens a lot, almost everybody experiences this, they just don't talk about it much, there comes a point in life when you feel like you should be doing better than what you are currently doing. It's life, i guess it's part of the plan for those who are ambitious. It's a phase, hang in there!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousTuesday, October 15, 2019

    You know what 3yrs ago I was having this same feeling I just couldn't take it anymore , I felt like I was trapped in fact i was loosing my mind, made up my mind and walked out on my job a dumb ass decision, taught I was doing the right thing but I was wrong. Still searching for a new job now but all I get is rejection something to do with age. Try to find solace away from your boring job or pick up a side hustle , do anything that will make you happy and never rush into making decisions trust me I know. By the way nice blog��

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. RuqkayahTuesday, November 12, 2019

      Thank you for your lovely comment. Unfortunately I handed in my notice and I have two weeks left at my current job. No new job lined up but I'm very hopeful for something in the new year. Would love to have a side hustle but this job is driving me nuts, i'm not learning anything or growing in anyway. I hope you find a new job soon and do keep me posted when you do.
      Thanks once again , I get very happy when I see positive comments on my blog.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Act of Indecent Dressing.

I've always wondered how women can walk around looking almost naked yet feeling comfortable with it. I've never been one for going out with skimpy clothes, I do have some skirts and dresses that are above the knees, but they stay unworn in the back of the wardrobe, I wore a very questionable leather peplum to the beach and I felt very uncomfortable, had to pull it down ever time I stood up , and when It was my turn to go get drinks my brothers friend took a look at me and told me to sit down.  I was embarrassed, but I turned a lot of heads, when we switched locations to Waterside I had a guy wait for me outside the toilet since he couldn't approach me in from of the two intimidating men I was with. He offered to take me out clubbing and I blamed it on the skirt because I was dressed like I belonged in a club.
Post a Comment
Read more

I PICKED UP THE HIJAB

 I'm slowly transitioning from a cleavage bearing, alcohol sipping Muslim woman to a full-time hijabi.  Where do I start from? I've always wanted to be a hijabi but I didn't have the courage to do it, I admired Muslim women in their scarves and hijab, I gave it a go in Uni, tied a turban for a few weeks and I got bored and ditched it.  Told myself I will pick it up when I get married, I still need enough time to flaunt my locs, bare my chest and wear dresses with slits going above my knees.  I enjoyed sipping cocktails, drinking champagne and mostly Jack Daniels and coke, I quit alcohol a few times, the longest I went without alcohol was 12 months. I'm not an alcoholic, I go months without drinking on the regs,. especially when I'm in Dublin, but I need booze to survive in Lagos. A few shots once I get home from the airport, then Star Radler or Snapp before noon, this continues until I leave the city.  My motto was " I can't be sober in Lagos". 
1 comment
Read more

Lost.

Its 7am I can't sleep the insomnia is back, WTF is wrong with me, I've not stepped out the door for five days been holed up in my house for almost a week not doing anything reasonable well except for catching up on series and stuffing my face. My routine consists of waking up when ever I want or by a phone call, getting ready brushing, shower and back in bed I go, getting up to get food or to got to the bathroom , I've been doing this for the last three weeks and Its not healthy, I have nothing better to do and I'm not motivated to do anything or I just cant be arsed but which ever one it is it all needs to stop because its driving me nuts. I feel trapped !!! I have so many bright ideas. I wrote so many stories in my head, but I find it hard to put pen to paper or even do a blog post. I'm lost. Is this okay ? Is it normal? My faith is at an all time low, I can't even cry out to God for help, I just cant be bothered. I cannot do this any longer. I need
4 comments
Read more