Skip to main content

Floating.

I don't know what is wrong with me but the darkness is starting to take over, my thought are driving me insane, I find myself thinking about horrible and bad situations of the worst things things that can happen.

I blame my thoughts on the things that happened when I was growing up, I thought I was past it all but it all still come back to haunt me. I'm not a  bad person but terrible things happened to me which leads me to make bad decisions and right now I really do not know what the f**k is going on, I am constantly paranoid and thinking about death I'm not suicidal or anything but I get thoughts on different types of ways in which I could die.


When most people see me they see that smile, listen to me joking, I'm the life of the party, I put smile on peoples faces, advice them when things are not going well but I just cant seem to help myself.
Yes I know prayer is the key to everything but I keep putting if off and postponing it till the next day. Ya Allah hear my cry.

I'm scared this is all going to have an impact on me at some point in my life, worse than it is already having and I might end up doing terrible things. I just want to free of the thoughts and memories.
They say self love is the best type of love but I've always depended on people to make me happy but now it doesn't seem to work so I find myself buying things and thinking about myself using them and that keeps me busy for a bit and I'm back to the same old.

I put myself in compromising situations hoping I would do things differently and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but that is a topic for another day.

I want a fresh start
I want to be genuinely happy.

xxxx
L.D

Comments

  1. UnknownTuesday, September 16, 2014

    May Allah make it easy for u....

    ReplyDelete
  2. BlinkTuesday, September 16, 2014

    Please dear, remove such negative thoughts from your mind and always be positive, yea i know i sound Cliche, but it works. When ever you are in such deep thinkin, move about, walk, dance and Watch those thought flee...Allah hear your cry.

    ReplyDelete
  3. RuqkayahTuesday, September 16, 2014

    Thanks guys, @Blink I'm doing that, I recite lines from the Quran when the thoughts come.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

HOLIDAYS.

Hi guys, So I've been in Lagos for the last three weeks and it has been nothing but chaos, I was very excited for this holiday but everything seems to be going out of control and I scared of the consequences of my actions.  As usual, I have a lot of ideas about what to do in my head, I had plans to write a lot more since my stories are mostly written about Nigerian characters and the cities I've visited in the country. I wanted to update my cv in order to start looking for a new job when I get back to Dublin, I also wanted to learn how to use excel properly and also learn other tools that will make my job search easier and increase of getting a better job.
Post a Comment
Read more

COURT EXTERNSHIP : Entry 1

I had plans for the two weeks break, had it all planned out in my head, study, work out, stay the F away from carbs and sugar. All I did was sleep, eat carbs and stock up on sugar, I feel like a failure, well not entirely but I'm the real definition of a waste man, Didn't realize how tired I was until I started taking naps during the day yet not finding it difficult to sleep at night. We started our externship . Yay! My posting got changed to Igbosere, got the email while I was in Ikeja High Court, I love criminal litigation, practicing in Nigeria doesn't look that bad. The Judge heard 16 cases, some which were for arraignment but the accused person's did not show up. It's a complete different ball game, been there watching everything we were thought in class being put into practice . Commercial is not as exciting as criminal but , I like the court. The judge hears cases on Land, landlord and tenant, general civil.  breach of contract and some corporate issues...
5 comments
Read more

Down - Brymo

Music is something that brings people together , you might see someone you dislike yet you have the same taste in music.Over the years my taste in music is eclectic , I listen to anything that sounds good , however i fell in love with Nigerian artiste Brymo aka Olawale Ashimi , his music varies he gives you a taste of everything . Down is a song from his new album Merchants , Dealers and Slaves , the lyrics talk about corruption from the politicians , religion , and the people of the country and the interactions between them  he sings about what is going on down town , selfishness. If you ever want to take a break from booty shaking music Brymo is the man to listen  to , you will find your self moving your head to the rhythm of the song . You do not have to be Nigerian to listen .   Enjoy !!! Happy Christmas 
Post a Comment
Read more