" Your mother gave birth to you therefore you also need to have children"
Or the Catholic reply " The bible said go forth and multiply, if we all choose to not the have children then the population of the human race will simply decrease" but these answer did not change my mind.
Over the last few years my view began to change, from wanting to adopt, to having one child ,to having two children and I realized I don't have a genuine reason for not wanting children. The excuses I've given over the years vary
- I'd rather adopt .
- I don't want to go through labour pains.
- I'm scared of been a terrible mother, even though I started looking after my younger sister at the age of eleven when she was just a few weeks old , taking over the midnight shift from my mum, feeding and giving her baths. She is nine now and she once told me she wishes I was her mother.
- I don't want to bring children into this world when I'm not sure what they are going to turn out as.
- They are enough children suffering , why bring another one into the world when a bright future is not guaranteed.
I sometimes imagine myself maybe five - ten years from now, married and childless , secretly praying to God to give me children and begging for forgiveness for cursing myself with bareness or living happily and not regretting my decision of for not having children.
I don't know where I stand as of now in relation to this issue but I'm sure God knows best.
My mind wanders to a lot of places, some of my thoughts should not be shared, but they are staring to drive me insane.
Thats is all for now