Sunday, 28 September 2014

Leave me alone.

Every time you call I want to scream at you, tell you leave me alone because I'm tired of your BS and selfishness but I don't because I want you to remember me as that almost perfect ex, the one who rarely got angry except when you push me to the wall and the is nothing left for me to do but unleash the crazy Yoruba girl within and  that I only gave about 40% because I cared too much and I wanted you to see my good side.

But now I don't give a hoot, the more I endure this the more I stray  from sanity so please leave me alone. I couldn't care less what you think, your opinion does not matter any more and will not matter in the future.

You called just to say good night.
You didn't you call in the morning or in the afternoon, but since I'm not that important and I'm the last thing on your list, just cross me off and forget I ever exist I'm pretty sure it wont take you that long to do so.

Just leave me alone and stay in the past.

XXXX
L.D

Nine to five.

Raaina walked up the stairs of the supreme court, it was a bright sunny day in the capital city, and every one seemed to be in a rush, she always took her time , taking every step gloriously as if she was paid to do so. Her backside moved with every step she took , one can assume she was doing it for the attention, which is true that was what made her Raaina, she stood out every where she went , her hour glass figure and height made every sane man lust and crave for her attention.
She slowed down her pace as she approached the security desk, she slowly moved her bag from her elbow to her wrist and waited patiently until it was her turn to go through the puffer machine and have her bag checked.
" Good morning madam". The security said waiting for her to open her handbag, the security men knew not to reach for her bag, after one stupidly touched her new Birkin, she did not hesitate to inform how much it cost and how long his family had to work before they can afford one. The other guards took note form their colleagues embarrassment, since then waited for her to open her bag for them to view the contents.
"This your bag fine ooo"! Without waiting for a reply he continued to stare at it.

Thursday, 25 September 2014

Final Year... :)

So the first week of my final year in uni *fingers crossed* is almost at at an end, three hours left. Yay !!!
And it hit me Ruka, you are in final year well hopeful I'm still on probation due to the woeful result of my constitution exam , I mean who fails constitution? Well I do, twice.

I must admit I was going through a lot of unnecessary nonsense, which I have finally decided to put aside as they do not matter, my degree and future is more important that any other thing I had on my mind .

 Apart from getting a part time job to help pay for my Shoes's since Iya Ruka has decided to stop footing the bills of things I do not need and the pocket money I receive is no where near enough.
But we thank God, that's a story for another day.

Tuesday, 23 September 2014

My thoughts.

'" When life hands you lemons make lemonade" is what I've always heard but now I know exactly what it means , life has handed me lemons, but no water, sugar or a pitcher to  make the lemonade so what do I do with the lemons ?

I'm a tight corner with little or no options on what to do, I have to wait a year before I can complete my degree, but right now I'm hoping and praying for a miracle, this is not what I planed, safe to say things do not  always go as planned.

All my life I've left things to the last minute and paid little or no attention to important things, but when I actually decided to be serious and act like a reasonable adult, it all comes crashing down.

In need to stop dreaming and fantasising about the future, or what I'd love to do or the woman I want to be, I spend majority of my time picturing the future than I spend on now and reality. I want to live like a billionaire yet I take things so easy with out concentrating.
Maybe there is something wrong with me?
Why am I like this?
I need change, of everything, change of environment, change of thinking and change of lifestyle.
I need a positive mindset, setting goal and ways of achieving what I want in life, hopping for best and also trying to tackle any obstacle that comes my way.

XXXX
L.D

Monday, 22 September 2014

Goodbye.

I finally summoned the courage and strength I needed to let go, after two and a half years of happiness, love, cheating, tears and now hate. We spent more time apart than we did together, the start was amazing, honeymoon phase was even better then reality set and the real challenge began.
 I remember the time I was too scared to get up to give you a hug, the sight of you made blood rush to my brain so fast, I felt I was going to pass out, from that moment I knew there was no going back, but I'm taking that back.
I'm moving forward without you, it's the best thing to do, loving you has held me back, I made you my priority but to you I was just an option.

Thursday, 4 September 2014

Floating.

I don't know what is wrong with me but the darkness is starting to take over, my thought are driving me insane, I find myself thinking about horrible and bad situations of the worst things things that can happen.

I blame my thoughts on the things that happened when I was growing up, I thought I was past it all but it all still come back to haunt me. I'm not a  bad person but terrible things happened to me which leads me to make bad decisions and right now I really do not know what the f**k is going on, I am constantly paranoid and thinking about death I'm not suicidal or anything but I get thoughts on different types of ways in which I could die.

Monday, 1 September 2014

Lost.

Its 7am I can't sleep the insomnia is back, WTF is wrong with me, I've not stepped out the door for five days been holed up in my house for almost a week not doing anything reasonable well except for catching up on series and stuffing my face.
My routine consists of waking up when ever I want or by a phone call, getting ready brushing, shower and back in bed I go, getting up to get food or to got to the bathroom , I've been doing this for the last three weeks and Its not healthy, I have nothing better to do and I'm not motivated to do anything or I just cant be arsed but which ever one it is it all needs to stop because its driving me nuts.

I feel trapped !!!
I have so many bright ideas.
I wrote so many stories in my head, but I find it hard to put pen to paper or even do a blog post.
I'm lost.
Is this okay ?
Is it normal?
My faith is at an all time low, I can't even cry out to God for help, I just cant be bothered.
I cannot do this any longer.
I need change, something different.

Hope you are all well ? And Happy New Month.

XXXXXX
L.D