Friday, 27 December 2013
You can never forget the day you met him even though when you did you never thought you would find yourself in this position a year after. You were two different people but when you were together it did not matter for a while. He was an Ibo Christian in his twenties and you are a Yoruba Muslim in your teens, different path of life and upbringing, brought together by a phone call one midnight.He had seen you picture on a friends phone and took interest, you agreed to meet up with him but u were scared and excited because you didn't he looked like, you had a plan to run if u dint like what you saw but when saw him, you couldn't he looked normal, you didn't notice how short he was, or the bulge in his torso.
You continued to see him , the more you saw and talked to him , the more you felt attracted to him , but he saw straight through you , been older wiser and more experienced , he knew what to say at the right time let’s just say he knew how to manipulate and get into your head.
But you were oblivious to all of this , your feelings were gone too far , you had a doubt in mind telling yourself it was all too good to be true and that there was something missing but you did not want to listen to that voice in your head .
You shared intimate conversations with each other, past, previous relationships and family life, and he always had a smile on his face when he talked, you found solace in the sound of his voice, and you felt you has something powerful. He intimidated you, you were unusually shy around him which was the opposite of your normal loud outgoing self all you did was smile.
The difference between the both of was never relevant till you accidentally dialled his number and he overheard a conversation between you and your cousin talking about you religion. He called back wanting to more and asking if you would ever change your religion , you answered with a simple no , I cannot change my religion for no one , you just have to take me as I am , even though you would go against this religion in a couple of months.
He told you he had to go back home since he worked from home but would be back In there months , at first the phone calls were frequent then they began to reduce but he still called though he replied to one in ten text messages or none. Everything seemed fine, you didn't notice things you should have, been in a meeting at nine pm.
Three months turned to five to six and counting in between this you did the unspeakable, but you stopped, after this you found and questioned your faith, you were born a Muslim but had always been rebellious, the only Muslim activity you ever did was fasting but you always had that voice in your head that told you Insha Allah one day I shall pray and I shall serve the one and only God that there is. You faith was strong inside of you but sometimes you were ashamed because of the violence that revolved around what your religions stands for. At the age of seventeen you began to pray but this only lasted for a week because you didn't do if from your heart you did it because you felt pressured to do so.
While he was away you felt closer to God and you felt he was the only one that knew you very well, you had been through some rough patches in your life and you felt this was a test of your faith but all you wanted was to be loved and respected, you thought you had it even though you doubted it but you are very optimistic.
You continued with your prayers on and off, you found it easy to pray when he was away so you didn't have to go through the burden of the cleansing bath every time you met the effort of having to dry your hair extensions after getting them wet from the bath that was compulsory.
You knew as a Muslim woman you had some values and rules to follow, but you loved you tight jeans the way it emphasized your curves, you always wanted to cover your head but you felt the time wasn't right for you and that God will give you a sign when the time was right you simply didn't want to rush into things. Muslim women are not allowed to date or marry non-Muslim men but you felt there was something. You questioned the reasons why God brought the two of together if it was not meant to be.
You had both experienced the same thing during childhood, this experience left you feeling used, but you were always confident and had a smile on your face so no one could see through you, you covered everything up with humour, even when it hurt and you wanted to sit down and talk to someone but you were afraid of been weak.
After 8 months he returned and you continued where you left off, things got better and you got closer you felt nothing could separate you only if you both a mutual agreement those things weren't working out. Everything was almost perfect till you got a phone call and he told you it was urgent , he told you he was leaving even though he was only back a couple of days , you felt bad but didn't want to stop him , since you felt a good woman always wanted the best for her man , a good woman is to be submissive and wish and pray for his progress , when you prayed , you prayed for him , when you prayed for your family you prayed for his because you felt he made you happy so when he was happy so were you.
The day before he was meant to leave you asked his about you relationship and he said everything was good but he couldn't marry you because you were a Muslim and were not willing to change your religion, For the first time you considered converting to Christianity but this though didn't last long, you shared you feelings with him and he told you everything was fine.
He left and everything went back to the way it used to be when he was back home, talking to him on the phone, but this time he sounded different, expressing his feelings more you found out the reason for this was because he found out what you had done, you confessed to his and begged for his forgiveness, he gave you his word and promise not to let that affect anything. Things soon went back to normal , phone calls , and text messages you sent him but never got the replies , but you just assumed he was busy , the voice in your head was telling you a man was never too busy for someone he loved or cared about.
Then one day he stopped picking your calls and didn't call , you questioned yourself , you shed so many tears , begged and hopped he would call or pick but he never did , you played so many senses in your head and asked yourself several questions.
Was he married?
Is he seeing someone else?
Did he ever care or love you?
Did he impregnate some one?
All of this didn't make sense, you felt weak, used and betrayed, and you turned to the only strength you had God, you prayed, even through all the tears you prayed and hoped he was fine. All you wanted was to hear from him, you held onto his words, every time you think of him you either smile or cry, you don’t regret meeting him but you questioned your actions.
You are a strong woman .He told you, or were that just one of his smooth words to make you weak.